My time of healing has given me time for reflection. Being forced to stop has been a good thing, as I feel my mind has been given permission to empty itself of some of the rubbish of general life and concentrate on what is really important. My family are important, the people who are in my “village” are important to me, my church family is important. I have been blessed by messages of love, prayers and thoughts, and saying I am missed (that last one sure choked the emotional ‘me’ up during those first couple of weeks out of hospital!).
I am now into Week 3, post hysterectomy and I have started to have more good days compared to blah days. Today is a blah day. I cannot put my finger on why it is a blah day – the first thing my husband quizzes me on is ‘have I done too much’, then gently says ‘it’s allowed to be a blah day’ *Bless*. I don’t think a wander and chat to the chickens, unloading and loading the dishwasher, reading and watching a movie constitutes as too much. I think it is just the daily cycles my body is going through on its way to healing.
About 10 days after surgery, I had the most unbearable aches. Body aches, sometimes all over, sometimes one side, sometimes only one leg! The type of body aches you get with the flu, but I had no fever. I also had random temperature issues. Too cold one minute, hot flushes the next (I was a bit concerned since I kept my ovaries!). I decided to take it as a compliment when hubby said I was positively glowing…literally. So into the research I went. Apparently the uterus gives blood supply to the ovaries, so when that is removed, and in response to pretty invasive surgery (from an ovary point of view), one or both of the ovaries sometimes shut down temporarily, until they find their own blood supply. The lack of estrogen can bring on these symptoms, and a whole range of random symptoms. I have learned to not look for the ‘norm’, and that lots of random things are going on at the moment, so I just look at it as the random beauty of being female. You can imagine the wide eyed, headlight-look I had when I was reading, that for some people it took a week, others a month, some 6 months, and for a handful the ovaries never really kicked in and menopause took over. I took a deep breath and spoke kind words to my ovaries, telling them it would be all ok and they better kick in or else. Luckily for me, (and hubby and kids), I am feeling a lot better now, the aches are few and far between and not as intense, and I haven’t been ‘glowing’ now for a week. So fingers crossed, things are starting to work well now.
Now that school holidays are over, I have had a couple of day at home with everyone else at school, and my eldest girl on an intermediate trip to Wellington. It is so quiet. So hugely quiet! But so very nice. I am the queen of power naps, so I am having them when I feel the need. I have twinges every now and then, especially last night and tonight…again it was random, who knows what it was…maybe stitches coming out or ovulating?? I still get so very tired doing nothing, and I am faithfully listening to my body, resting when I need to.
I hope that anyone who stumbles across my ramblings who is going through the same thing will gain encouragement. Be encouraged that your body has been created an amazing machine which uses a lot of physical and emotional energy to heal itself. Be encouraged that this too shall pass, and although it may take many week (months for some), you will get through this. Have courage, God know what he is doing.
So now that I have had a sit down, there are some odd socks to sort that have been staring at me for a very long time. I might make a cup of tea to go with it and put on some music to feed my soul.
Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Matthew 11:28 Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.